The Wanderings of a Strange Mind
[ AN OLD TROLL ( Real Old ) ]
The Phantom Punster
© 2005
DOXIE MORONS
History leaves much unrecorded as every astute archeologist knows. Frustration accompanies the discovery of ancient artifacts and this anxiety is increased with every interpretation. No matter how close to being correct, the archeologist knows he is never sure if his revelation is accurate or simply misplaced myth. Digby Stonewaller was such a man, a man whose search for truth was obsessive. His interpretations of artifacts based upon scientific verification and coupled with ancient mythology, disturbed him endlessly. They also disturbed others around him which resulted in some not-so-friendly criticism from the older members of the establishment.
“If only I could travel in time to observe what really happened,” he thought, “then we humans would have an entirely different perspective of ourselves, hopefully for the betterment of us all.” His desire for ‘time travel’ made him a jester type character in his private club, No one paid attention to him anymore, well almost no one.
While in the coat room he heard a, “Pssss’t, hey Digby, listen.” The whisperer was shy of being close to Digby so he arranged a ‘chance encounter’ in the coat room so that if the establishment saw them together, he could pass it off as simply ‘chance.’ “There is this guy in London, named Wells who claims he has built an actual time machine and has traveled throughout time. You should visit this kook and learn if he has any substance.”
So, Digby took the earnings from his book royalties, added his beer money and traveled to London wherein he immediately called on this ‘Wells guy.’ “I understand your frustration”, said Wells, “by the way call me Herb. Notoriety is causing me to be called by less glamorous names.”
Digby explained his situation.“Can you really travel in time?” inquired Digby.
“Of course I can” responded Herb. “Let me demonstrate.” For the next couple hours, Herb kept popping in and out wearing different clothing for each return to demonstrate that he really was gone. Next, under some pressure of begging, he taught Digby to operate the machine and sent him off to the ancient past.
On the first trip Digby returned with an ash-covered machine and was in complete disarray. “I came too close to a Catastrophic Event that had no documentation. I barely got away alive”, exclaimed Digby.
On his next trip he was a bit more careful and entered a cave-dwelling community. He made friends and learned the language fairly well. His digital camera astounded the inhabitants who were fearful of hurting him because of his ‘magic’. Of course they did take offense of being referred to as ‘ancients’. They reminded him that they are modern up-to-date beings. Digby used pictures from his time to show the future which enchanted and mystified them. He asked to have someone accompany him forward in time to his era. All were afraid but he was told, “See, every cave has a fire near it. One fire has a reddish glow. Go there and perhaps one of the ladies will go with you.” One fairly comely lady, wearing nothing but a skimpy fox fur, agreed to accompany him because the jealous bickering in her cave, directed mostly against her, became too oppressive.
Quickly Digby reasoned that perhaps he should visit the future as well as the past. He dumped the foxy-fur lady in front of an astounded Wells and blinked off into the future. He landed on the mezzanine of a thousand story dwelling. Evidently merely the structure of caves changed but not the concept. Again he tried to find someone to travel back to his era with no success until he was directed to a window lighted with red LED panels. One of the attractive young ladies, who was wearing a bejeweled silver-fox fur agreed to accompany him. As a hobby, she was interested in the ancient history of Digby’s era. Digby returned and deposited her next to the fox-fur lady.
Naturally these two renown scientists presented the ladies at various lectures and seminars with the title of “Time-travel ParaDoxies.” Over time, both Digby and Herb became wealthy from their revelations. Their stature grew as did the boredom of the ladies. With all of their theories of ancient times proven, the men had no more discoveries to make. They were bored with the ladies. The ladies were bored with them and really wanted to return to their profession. They did like Digby’s era and wanted to stay.
An enterprising Greek gentlemen came along with an interest in using the services of these women. Greeks are well known throughout history as having an aptitude for profitable pursuits. So after a bit of negotiating with Digby and Herb, the ladies went off with the Greek
From that time onward, they were known as “Zeno’s ParaDoxies.”
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